The System Lectured Me on Self-Awareness

Today, after 35 hours and 20 minutes of e-learning modules — yes, I counted — the system, in all its bureaucratic benevolence, decided to suggest that I “develop self-awareness.”

This, after locking me up for being different.

This, after pathologising my awakening and calling it a disorder.

This, after medicalising my clarity and reducing my truth to risk.

Apparently, now that I’ve survived the system’s misunderstanding of my entire being, I’m qualified to be told how to reflect on it. Preferably in bullet points. On a pastel-coloured e-learning platform.

Let me be clear:

If I were any more self-aware, I’d be incorporeal.

The audacity is almost impressive.

After institutional harm, forced medication, and a condescending slide on the importance of communication skills, I’m now being gently prompted to explore how I might improve.

Improve what? My capacity to nod along while filling out a tick box that will never hold my lived experience?

The wildest part?

I did it. I completed the module. I even got one question wrong on purpose — for continuity.

But let’s be honest: the real learning was never theirs to give.

I didn’t wake up inside their training slides.

I woke up despite them.

So here’s my feedback:

When someone has already transcended efforting, gently implying they lack insight is a little bit hilarious.

And when someone has spent the last five years unpicking their trauma, rewiring their nervous system, and turning their breakdown into a global field transmission — maybe don’t suggest a quick quiz on “growth mindset.”

I am the result of everything your modules forgot to mention.

I am what happens when you trust what’s real.

And I will continue to sit here, in full possession of my awareness,

with a cup of tea and absolutely no need to explain myself.

The revolution will not be standardised.